21 June 2015

What father’s day means to me

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What father’s day means to me

The third Sunday of June as come around again ,the time when children honour their father’s,with gifts,cards and all kinds of treats. When 9 out of 10 people on social media seem to be posting  something about their great  dads. For me,it is a day when  I usually fade away  and find my own “ritual”, as I have always done in the past when  facing uncomfortable situations. The closest thing to a kid I have is my dog, so it is no surprise, I have been celebrating father’s day a little bit differently in the past years.

For me,the best about June 21st  is the summer solstice when I can play golf very late,which I always loved. The way the light of the setting  sun  hits the fairways and the overall  tranquility on the different courses,have always done it for me.Yes the fact that I am on this earth right now proves that I do have a father,but I am sorry to say that I cannot enthusiastically celebrate what father’s day means to most.  A lot of kids want to emulate and be like their dads…”my dad is the strongest” I used to hear in the school yard. Yes, I knew my dad was a “strong” man as well,but for different reasons. For me a father’s role in the life of a child is different from a mother’s, but certainly as important. Fathers must provide spiritual and emotional guidance as well as  physical, financial  and social well being. Many times my relationship with “dad” was more about physical abuse and emotional distress.

Without feeling sorry for myself, I moved forward as always and figured I could do better once I would  get my “shot” at fatherhood. The  first time I heard a woman tell me she was pregnant,I was a bit disappointed.I was   not in love with her  and was quite young compared to her. I was the one trying to sell the idea of an abortion to her and it felt terrible. Even though I was not in love ,I genuinely cared and this went against all my principles that are about building and creating. In the end,I had to do much argumenting and convincing . We went thru with it and I can still remember that day and all the “great visuals” that came with it. This was one of the worst experiences in my life or so I thought! Twelve  years later,it was time for   pregnancy news again,this time I was quite in love and everything felt so right for both of us,except for one little detail. My girlfriend was worried that having a kid would ruin or slow down  her career,it was either that or she didn’t love me like I thought she did! I pleaded everything I could so we could have the kid. For those who know me best ,I am quite persuasive,but in the end I figured I should not have to be “selling”  this  great life project at all. I figured it was karma and that life was paying me back for what I had done the first time. I  finally had to let go and respect her decision. I had vowed  never to  set foot in a hospital for the purpose of  an abortion again,but I did out of support for my girlfriend. After it took place,I was destroyed. My girlfriend said she was fine showing a new side of her I did not like at all. Soon after I broke up with her which surprised her greatly. Although she was known as one of the most beautiful women and one of the hottest “catches” in town, I couldn’t touch her anymore.This ordeal made me  show up in a shrink’s office for the first time of my life,I was hurt pretty bad.Three times a charm? Not really! A few years later, I was with someone else ,in an  “on and off” relationship which I know is always best to walk away from, when she announced she was pregnant. We were quite  on the “off side” at that particular moment to say the least. I think the great sex we had  was always bringing us back,but everything else seemed to be a nightmare. Based on my past experiences, I was ready  to  do everything I could to do the right thing which for me was everything other than going for  another abortion. Although we both wanted to be parents,fear and trying to rationalize  the irrational killed another child. No for me, surely the fourth time would be a “charm” ,when life smiled at me and sent me the gift of  a great woman and precious  relationship.This time,we were both on the same page and nothing was scary .I  knew I was with someone who had the best traits to enter parenthood. As we celebrated her birthday,she told me we had one more thing to celebrate,so I instantly knew she was pregnant. A while after,it was time to start the usual procedure,including a visit to the doctor to do  some tests. An  ultrasound indicated the baby had no heartbeat,so it had to come out by way of a medicated miscarriage, which  it did on a very “special” day; father’s day!!

No celebration or  summer solstice golf game this time around,it was time for a little more sickness,for me mostly psychological! This is not the usual inspirational kind of blog post you are used to read from me right? Many people sometimes confuse me with  motivators who smile and look positive and perfect  100% of the time mostly for business purposes.Who ever a person is, life is not always   parties at lakes with boats ,friends and noodle salad as Melvin Udall (played by Jack Nicholson )said in the movie  As good as it gets. Life can be tough, but don’t worry,I still have a bit of positive for you as  always. What I want to convey here wether you are a father or a kid, is to cherish ,celebrate and be grateful for father’s day ,especially if  you do have a good relationship.Let this be helpful for  you to  find the true meaning of this moment ,because as you can see some of us have quite different perspectives on the matter. For me father’s day will always be associated with pain ,but I know ,like any other malaise I have endured,this too shall pass.

About theDany Guillemette
I am a Canadian entrepreneur, author and public speaker with over 20 years of experience in business and investing. I am the founder of Addiction snowboards and Danyland.ca. I love to inspire people by sharing my experiences,wisdom and advice.

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