The third Sunday of June as come around again ,the time when children honour their father’s,with gifts,cards and all kinds of treats. When 9 out of 10 people on social media seem to be posting something about their great dads. For me,it is a day when I usually fade away and find my own “ritual”, as I have always done in the past when facing uncomfortable situations. The closest thing to a kid I have is my dog, so it is no surprise, I have been celebrating father’s day a little bit differently in the past years.
For me,the best about June 21st is the summer solstice when I can play golf very late,which I always loved. The way the light of the setting sun hits the fairways and the overall tranquility on the different courses,have always done it for me.Yes the fact that I am on this earth right now proves that I do have a father,but I am sorry to say that I cannot enthusiastically celebrate what father’s day means to most. A lot of kids want to emulate and be like their dads…”my dad is the strongest” I used to hear in the school yard. Yes, I knew my dad was a “strong” man as well,but for different reasons. For me a father’s role in the life of a child is different from a mother’s, but certainly as important. Fathers must provide spiritual and emotional guidance as well as physical, financial and social well being. Many times my relationship with “dad” was more about physical abuse and emotional distress.
Without feeling sorry for myself, I moved forward as always and figured I could do better once I would get my “shot” at fatherhood. The first time I heard a woman tell me she was pregnant,I was a bit disappointed.I was not in love with her and was quite young compared to her. I was the one trying to sell the idea of an abortion to her and it felt terrible. Even though I was not in love ,I genuinely cared and this went against all my principles that are about building and creating. In the end,I had to do much argumenting and convincing . We went thru with it and I can still remember that day and all the “great visuals” that came with it. This was one of the worst experiences in my life or so I thought! Twelve years later,it was time for pregnancy news again,this time I was quite in love and everything felt so right for both of us,except for one little detail. My girlfriend was worried that having a kid would ruin or slow down her career,it was either that or she didn’t love me like I thought she did! I pleaded everything I could so we could have the kid. For those who know me best ,I am quite persuasive,but in the end I figured I should not have to be “selling” this great life project at all. I figured it was karma and that life was paying me back for what I had done the first time. I finally had to let go and respect her decision. I had vowed never to set foot in a hospital for the purpose of an abortion again,but I did out of support for my girlfriend. After it took place,I was destroyed. My girlfriend said she was fine showing a new side of her I did not like at all. Soon after I broke up with her which surprised her greatly. Although she was known as one of the most beautiful women and one of the hottest “catches” in town, I couldn’t touch her anymore.This ordeal made me show up in a shrink’s office for the first time of my life,I was hurt pretty bad.Three times a charm? Not really! A few years later, I was with someone else ,in an “on and off” relationship which I know is always best to walk away from, when she announced she was pregnant. We were quite on the “off side” at that particular moment to say the least. I think the great sex we had was always bringing us back,but everything else seemed to be a nightmare. Based on my past experiences, I was ready to do everything I could to do the right thing which for me was everything other than going for another abortion. Although we both wanted to be parents,fear and trying to rationalize the irrational killed another child. No for me, surely the fourth time would be a “charm” ,when life smiled at me and sent me the gift of a great woman and precious relationship.This time,we were both on the same page and nothing was scary .I knew I was with someone who had the best traits to enter parenthood. As we celebrated her birthday,she told me we had one more thing to celebrate,so I instantly knew she was pregnant. A while after,it was time to start the usual procedure,including a visit to the doctor to do some tests. An ultrasound indicated the baby had no heartbeat,so it had to come out by way of a medicated miscarriage, which it did on a very “special” day; father’s day!!
No celebration or summer solstice golf game this time around,it was time for a little more sickness,for me mostly psychological! This is not the usual inspirational kind of blog post you are used to read from me right? Many people sometimes confuse me with motivators who smile and look positive and perfect 100% of the time mostly for business purposes.Who ever a person is, life is not always parties at lakes with boats ,friends and noodle salad as Melvin Udall (played by Jack Nicholson )said in the movie As good as it gets. Life can be tough, but don’t worry,I still have a bit of positive for you as always. What I want to convey here wether you are a father or a kid, is to cherish ,celebrate and be grateful for father’s day ,especially if you do have a good relationship.Let this be helpful for you to find the true meaning of this moment ,because as you can see some of us have quite different perspectives on the matter. For me father’s day will always be associated with pain ,but I know ,like any other malaise I have endured,this too shall pass.